Breathe in the Closet
by ForeverBeloved
Summary: There's something inside of Harry. Something that wants to breathe.
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

There's such darkness inside of me….its not evil, but it's dark because it's the unknown. It's like there's this empty void inside me, a black hole, and I constantly feel its presence. I'm positive there's something in that abyss…something….something that wants to be let out.

Lately it's been more restless, frantic even. At times I feel like I'm suffocating, but I have oxygen and my lungs are moving, but still….

I feel a pressure on my shoulder, I turn my gaze to the left and there's a hand. My eyes slowly flicker from an arm, to a neck, until I reach the familiar face of my uncle.

"Harry, let it out so it can breathe."

I heard some pants, then a scream, there's a sharp pain in my neck, and then I knew no more.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: This is a slash story and its rated M. Which in my book = yaoi, and trust me there is certainly going to be plenty of that, but all in good time. Oh yeah, before I forget, I do not own the Harry Potter series, that my lovelies belongs to the wonderful J.K. Rowling. On a minor note, the other pairings in this story will be Ron/Draco and Hermione/Pansy…hope you enjoy!

Oxygen

I woke up sweaty and panting in my bed in Privet Drive. I couldn't remember much of my dream, but I had this eerie feeling that it meant something. What it meant, I didn't have the slightest clue, but I just knew it was something important.

'Ugh, you're thinking way too complex at this hour in the morning.' I thought to myself.

I squinted and looked at my little red digital alarm clock; 5:00 A.M. was flashing very brightly at me. It was definitely too early to have any coherent thoughts, let alone complex ones. I groaned and tucked myself into a ball underneath my thin sheets. I let my thoughts drift and after a few minutes my mind went blank and I felt strangely at peace. I relished the feeling and prayed that it lasted at least for a little while longer. As I was drifting into nothingness, for a moment I could have sworn that I felt something stir within my chest. It wasn't my heart; I knew that immediately, rather it was…something…something roaring to be set free. I shook my head and ignored it, I mean it was probably just one of those weird thought you have when all is quiet and your inside your mind. After all, the mind does play tricks on you.

'Breathe Harry, just breathe.' I commanded myself.

I was in the middle of inhaling when I felt like the wind was knocked out of me. I was gasping for breath, why couldn't I breathe? I wasn't tangled in the sheets and I was lying perfectly still, as far as I knew I hadn't swallowed anything that was causing me to choke in the minutes that I was lost in thought. I began coughing and hacking and I started panicking.

Why did it feel like I had been holding my breath and I just simply couldn't hold on any longer….this feeling was shockingly familiar to me; like breathing normally wasn't actually a normality for me. When I felt like I was at the point of passing out or possibly dying; like magic I could breathe again. I eagerly sucked in as much air into my lungs as possible. My throat burned and I was shaking badly, but I could breathe again and I was deliriously happy.

I became very lethargic and I lazily turned my gaze towards my calendar on the wall. July 30th was circled in red countless of times. Today was the day the order would come and retrieve me from the Dursley's and take me to Grimmauld Place. I was already packed and ready to go so I figured a little nap couldn't hurt any.

'I'm just going to shut my eyes for awhile.' I promised myself and that was the last thought I had before I dropped into oblivion.


	3. Chapter 3

Dreaming Lover

I was surrounded by darkness and I was only borderline aware. For once my mind was completely clear of everything and…I felt as if I was being warmly embraced. I was allowing myself to sink further into that warmth; the embrace strengthened and I heard a pleased growl and God help me I practically purred in response. I was being lavished with caresses; whoever or whatever was holding me was nuzzling my neck and kissing along my jaw. I wasn't aware that I was so touched starved until I moaned. Normally I never allowed anyone but Ron and Hermione (and Mrs. Weasley, I just couldn't say no to her.) to touch me, but even then it was never anywhere near this intimate. So you could see how much of a shock and somewhat embarrassment ( I had never moaned before; unless it was out of pain. So yes…..I was a little out of my comfort zone.) this situation was.

I tried to get a better look at my embracer, but the figure was just a black shadow that practically blended in with the rest of my surroundings. He (the man was pressed against me so tightly I'd figured early on he couldn't have been a female.) was pressing kisses on the corner of my mouth and after a few moments I couldn't take the teasing anymore so I……whimpered. I could hardly believe it, but apparently my mind and my body were on two different pages. My shameless submissive behavior must have tickled him pink because he finally gave up the teasing and slowly descended his lips onto mine. The kiss was slow and gentle, tender even, but it wasn't long before I felt something wet rubbing against my lower lip. It didn't take me long to figure out it was his tongue, but I wasn't sure I was ready to give him access. I mean, I had never been kissed before, let alone in this possibly passionate way; so I wasn't too sure I was ready. However, all my anxious thoughts were immediately swept away when I felt his fingers massaging my pulse point and just like that Harry James Potter was lost.

I opened my mouth eagerly and he seemed just as excited as I was. His tongue left no corner of my mouth unexplored and just as I thought it couldn't get any better, he proved me wrong in the most delicious way. As soon as his tongue touched mine it was like a burst of sensation went off inside of me and I shivered in response. He pulled me closer still, until our bodies were almost perfectly aligned. He was so much taller than me, but despite that, it was as if our bodies were molded for each other.

Just as I was really getting into it, our tongues dancing in the most beautiful way, I was ripped away. It felt as if a force pulled me away from the man's embrace and was dragging me upwards. I tried desperately to return to this man that I had been so intimate with, so I pushed my hand forward trying in vain to reach him. For a second I thought I heard my name faintly being called, but that wasn't important. What was important was that I immediately be returned to my mystery man's arms and then I could answer the calls. I felt a brush of fingers against my outstretched hand and just as we were intertwining our fingers together, once again I was ripped away from him and thrust toward an upcoming light. I vaguely thought I heard my named being called again as I approached the light, but I did hear, loud and clear, a vicious rage filled roar just as I was shoved into the infuriating brightness.

"Harry!"


	4. Chapter 4

Solitude

"Harry!"

I gasped, opened my eyes, and looked around wildly. I faintly caught images of people, whom looked familiar, but I wasn't so sure, I was too preoccupied with my erratic thoughts.

'Where is he?' I questioned over and over, as if it were my own personal mantra.

My heart was pounding and I was so terribly confused. Why wasn't he here?

"Harry!"

I whipped my head in the direction of the voice and saw….Remus? Yes…. Remus……Remus was…..Remus….he was standing next to me….that was odd. So was it all just a dream?

'Was he just all a dream?' I thought mournfully.

As I was reliving all the moments I could remember, Remus grabbed my chin and forced me to look upwards. While I was staring into his eyes, all my memories of the mysterious man were slowing fading and withering away from my subconscious. I felt my mind try to fight it; I was scouring every imaginable corner of my mind for a flicker of the familiarity of his touch, but I found nothing…absolutely nothing.

My body began relaxing; my heart hummed quietly, and my breathing returned to normal.

I brought my attention back to the 'staring' contest I was apparently participating in with Remus. He was staring so deeply into my eyes; as if searching for some unknown answer.

'What are you trying to see, Remy?' I thought miserably.

My mind was blank, he wasn't going to find anything in me, and knowing that I couldn't help Remus was eating away at me.

Suddenly, Remus nodded his head, kissed my cheek, and leaned in and whispered, "Welcome back to the world, Harry."

"When did I leave?" I asked him seriously.

He cracked a small smile and I heard someone bark a laugh in the background. I turned my head to left to see Ron chuckling softly even after Hermione had given him a death glare that clearly said, "Now is not the time Ronald." When she realized I was looking at them the death glare immediately vanished and was replaced with a bitter sweet smile. I could tell she was glad to see me and at the same time she was very much concerned about me…but why should she be concerned?

My curiosity slowly left me when Ron questioned if I was about ready to go. I nodded and told him that my bags were right behind him and that Hedwig had gone ahead.

"Ah, yes Harry. As we were leaving headquarters we saw her arrive safely. If I'm not mistaken, Molly is still likely to be trying to fatten her up." He said with a cheery smile. "Are you ready to leave Privet Drive?" He questioned.

Without hesitation I replied, "Merlin, yes!" That earned some laughs and as I looked around at the three happy faces I realized that this is what it must feel like to be a part of something…..part of a family.

However, as we were descending down the stairs of the Vernon residence I couldn't shake the feeling of missing something…I was alone and I didn't like it one bit.


	5. Chapter 5

Forthcoming

I was queasy and jittery; I don't think apparating will ever set well with me. I peered around the Goth looking manor and couldn't stop the cold shiver that ran down my spine. No matter how much time Sirius and Mrs. Weasley put into cleaning up the place, it still looked like a horror movie train wreck. It certainly didn't help matters that Kreacher only added to the look, and speaking of the hideously sinister devil, there he was by the stairs sneering. A "blood tainted traitor" comment on the tip of his tongue, but before he could get it out Mrs. Weasley bee lined her way into the room.

"Harry dear, how have you been? Those relatives of yours weren't too terrible were they? Ah, never mind that, look at you darling, you've grown!"

It was true, I had grown, a full two inches and believe me those two inches were what I prided myself on. When you're a teenage male and you're only 5"6 even an inch of growth is a god send. Other than my sudden growth spurt I still looked the same. My glasses were the same, my slightly on the skinny side body was still the same, my hair is still the untamable disaster that its always been, and without even looking in a mirror I can tell you that I have green eyes and a scar.

For the most part everyone else looked the same, subtle changes here and there but nothing overly dramatic, and for that I was glad. Familiarity was something I cherished these days.

"Mrs. Weasley have you seen Sirius?" I was curious to see if he had changed, he was the only one that I actually hoped had changed drastically. Compared to the last time I had seen him…..I mean he just couldn't get any worse.

"Silly me, of course he'd be the first one you'd want to see. Ron if you would please take Harry's things to your room, and Hermione if you would kindly inform the rest of my children to be down for supper in ten minutes. Thank you dears." Ron and Hermione immediately went up stairs to complete their tasks and Mrs. Weasley then turned to Remus.

"Remus," she said softly as if revealing a secret, "your visitor has arrived and is expecting you in the study. I would go quickly, he has been waiting for some time, and the last thing this household needs is his irate temper unleashed." At this point she was facing me. "Harry, if you go to the left and continue down the hall, you'll reach the last door in the corridor and that's were Sirius is. Help him if you can, dear; trust me he needs it no matter how much he says otherwise." She seemed satisfied with her cryptic answer and then promptly kissed my forehead and went through a door to the right that I was fairly sure wasn't there before.

I was about to go find Sirius when I noticed Remus was still in the room. I turned and stared at him with unmasked curiosity. Should he not have been with his company by now?

"Harry before I go I just wanted to ask you something….in private." His tone was anxious and I became weary of this upcoming conversation.

"What is it Remus?"

"Harry….do you remember your dream?" Actually asking his question seemed to put him on more edge.

"What dream?" I blurted, but I regretted what I said instantly because I realized it wasn't true. While I couldn't recall the events that took place I knew there was a dream and I knew with utmost clarity that there was another person involved. But if I had all this information then why….

"Why can't I remember?" I asked him despairingly.

He gave me a sympathetic gazed and then ignoring my question, he asked a question of his own.

"Harry, you must answer me truthfully; it is of the utmost importance. How long exactly have you had these dreams?" He looked so very serious for something as trivial as what I happened to see and do while I was unconscious.

"They've just started a few weeks ago actually. At first it was just once maybe twice a week, but now it's either every other night or every night." This only seemed to make him more distressed.

"Oh pup," He pulled me into his arms rested his head on top of mine, "only you. I swear only you could get yourself into this mess."

'Me? What did I do?' But before I could voice this he let go of me and kissed my forehead.

"Well you best be on your way. Merlin knows what more trouble Sirius has gotten into now that he's had even more time to himself." He smiled a small little smile and then headed to what I could only presume was the study.

'What have I done?' I questioned myself as if hoping some part of me would know and answer back, but I had no such luck. I needed to get my mind off this so I began my walk to find Sirius, but the whole way there I couldn't shake the feeling that something was going to happen soon. Whether it was good or bad I suppose I was just going to have to find out.


	6. Chapter 6

Note: My apologies for this taking so long to write and in order to compensate for that I'll give you a little clue in as to what's happening next chapter….So you remember that mysterious visitor Remus has? Well guess who's joining the dinner party……

Promise

I turned the door knob and was immediately assaulted with a barrage of sight, sounds, and smells…the smells were wonderful; the sights and sounds however were a much different story. Pots sizzling and crackling, utensils falling left and right; flour practically covered the entire kitchen and the areas that were untouched were instead stacked with dirty dishes.

My observations were cut short when I heard a shout of, "My stew!"

I saw Sirius burst through another door entrance I hadn't noticed before; looking as if the apocalypse was around the corner and the fate of the world rested in whether or not the pot stew survived. By looking at it I have to admit the chances were slim to none.

Sirius immediately turned the burner off and opened the pot lid. Stew was spilling in large bubbly quantities off the pot, but it didn't deter Sirius' mission to rescue it in the least. He grabbed a ladle and began stirring the stew in a vain attempt to cool it off.

"Please be alright, please be alright! I promise I didn't mean to leave you on the burner for so long; it was an honest mistake! Bugger! No, no, no NO! You _cannot_ do this to me. Not after I promised everyone a delightful, scrumptious, mouth watering home cooked meal. No one can make a stew like I can!"

Sirius was stirring so frantically that it was no shock when a glob of stew went flying at him and hit him square on his cheek.

"Ow! That was my bloody face you ungrateful, pitiful excuse of sustenance! I slave after you since this morning, I took such care in preparing you, and this is how you repay me! You spit at me, well let it be known that Sirius Black doesn't take rubbish from _anyone_, including you!"

With that Sirius threw open a window and proceeded to toss the pot and the stew outside.

"Sirius Black always has the last laugh!" He shouted and with a triumphant smile, he slammed the windows shut.

What happened next was pure bad luck on Sirius' part. The stew that had spilled over early had managed to make its way onto the floor causing Sirius to slip and fall as soon as he took one step away from the widow.

Instead of getting up right away, Sirius opted on simply lying there, looking the picture perfect model of a defeated man.

"Look at what my life has become. I a fort- I mean, I am a thirty-seven year old man, wearing an apron, who fights with food and then proceeds to lose said fight with food. I have nothing left to live for! Wait, no, that's not true I have Remy. Remy! Oh what would he think seeing his mate on the floor defeated by beef stew? I'm a pathetic excuse of a mate." He glanced at the stew he had slipped on and said, "I admit defeat, you have won the battle, but not the war! I will still make the best supper known to man because I promised my mate and not even the bane of my existence is going to make me break a promise to the man that I love!"

He picked himself off the floor quicker than I thought was possible and immediately went back to work. I saw him grab some ingredients, but after a few moments he paused and had a contemplative look on his face.

"What should I make?"

I finally decided it was time to step in.

"I don't mean to interrupt, but I believe I have a suggestion."

Sirius whipped his head in my direction and looked surprised, confused, and startled. However, a blinding smile adorned his face a second later and he was radiating happiness.

"Harry, you're here!"

He came running at me and pulled me in a bear hug that lifted me off the floor. After a moment he let me down and kissed me on my forehead.

"Cub it's been too long, but you're here now and that's all that matters." He pulled me into a gentler embrace than the previous one and I gladly returned it. Remus, Sirius, and the Weasley's were my family and I cherished any time I could spend with them.

Sirius let go of me after a few minutes and looked me straight in the eye, "Now aside from almost coddling you to death, what was that suggestion that you had for me."

I put on my most mischievous smile and said, "Oh you'll see."

It was going to be a delightful, scrumptious, mouth watering home cooked meal indeed.


	7. Chapter 7

Note: I know I said there was going to be a dinner party and the mysterious "guest" was going to be revealed. However, I've had a brilliant idea (in my opinion of course) and I feel as if the story will be that much better for it. Any who, have no fear…you'll soon meet the "oh so lovely" guest.

Mercy

Once I had steered Sirius in the right direction, he easily started creating his "masterpiece of deliciousness".

As entertaining as it was watching him cook, I started feeling a bit light headed and I figured it was best to take a breather outside. I strolled around the expansive back yard of Grimmauld Place. It had beautiful wild flowers scattered here and there. It was a peaceful and quaint meadow. In my eyes, it was equivalent to perfection, or as close to it as you get anyway.

Taking deep breaths, I tried to calm my erratic heart. My palms were becoming sweaty and I could feel myself start to shiver. What was this feeling? The world was shifting beneath my feet and nothing was in my control anymore. I felt myself fall to my knees and I desperately clutched at my heart, willing it to cease its irrational behavior.

'Everything is alright. Everything is alright.' I repeated to myself over and over for a few agognizing moments, but eventually I couldn't lie to myself anymore. But what was wrong? Why was my body exhibiting this behavior?

"Stop it." I whispered desperately to my heart. "Just stop- "and then I screamed.

My whole body was on fire and my heart was being crushed.

I collapsed on the ground and I started convulsing.

Just as my vision was beginning to fail me, I heard a mournful howl, and then I succumbed into the merciful darkness.


	8. Chapter 8

Miracle

I was in a place….a type of place where you can't help thinking that everything's a miracle.

Drifting and floating at a lazy pace, I let myself relax and focus on the wonderful feeling of being weightless. Time didn't matter, responsibilities were out the door, and nobody needed saving. It was just me and this feeling. Wherever I was, I never wanted to leave.

Just as I was drifting deeper into this ceaseless dream, I felt a presence nearby. It was oddly familiar, but I just couldn't quite place it; like a name that's on the tip of your tongue.

"Mate," His husky voiced groaned out.

With just that one word my whole body responded. I knew who this was; some part of me recognized him even when the rest of me didn't. This was a man I'd never forget, even if I wanted to.

I threw my arms around my dark shadowy figure's torso and I kissed every bit of his neck I could. My legs locked firmly around his waist, I was practically purring at our close proximity. Oh how I missed him!

My shadow man growled in approval and the next thing I knew I was being kissed senseless.

His tongue left no corner of my mouth unexplored, and I wantonly moaned as his delicious appendage thrust inside my mouth. After a few moments he reluctantly withdrew from my mouth only to nibble sensuously on my lower lip.

"You are mine!" He whispered fiercely between my lips. "Yours!" I cried out my confirmation.

I knew I would follow this man to the ends of the earth and I was undeniably his as he was mine.

We resumed our passionate kisses and I was positive that this was heaven.

A few moments later he broke our kiss and tightened his arms around me as he brought his lips to my ear.

"I can't find you." He whispered brokenly. "I'm being blocked; come to me."

What did he mean? I was right here.

Never the less I tried comforting him by nuzzling into his neck.

_I'm right here. _

I tried to convey that sentiment as I buried my face into the crook of his neck. It seemed to calm him down just a bit, but never the less he still clung to me as if I would disappear at any given moment.

"Will you promise me something my mate?" He questioned softly.

I lifted my head and gave him a tender kiss.

"Anything," I vowed.

"A full moon is soon approaching. On that night I need you to come to me. You'll feel a distinct pull towards me. Follow your instincts and go wherever it leads you and you will find me."

I nodded in understanding and not a second later did his lips descend upon mine. All too soon he pulled away and placed me back on the ground.

"I have to go now love," I whimpered in response, "but fear not for we will see each other soon."

He gave me one last quick kiss before I was being pushed upwards towards the endless sky.

"Fenrir!" I screamed, knowing with absolute certainty that that was his name.

I heard a long howl before I was blinded by a shockingly bright light.

Time passed entirely too slowly before my vision was restored to me and I could make out the fuzzy impression of a person kneeling before me. After a few moments I was able to fully recognize the person and see that it was Remus.

"Harry," he gasped out worriedly, "are you alright?"

I was about to answer him, until I saw who was standing beside him. I was suddenly knocked into an utterly confused stupor…..

What was _Snape_ doing here?


End file.
